I scatter words
haphazardly,
watch them dry up
in the remorseless heat
of blazing cheeks;
tongue thick,
stumbling,
numb from
a battery
of thoughts
lost & never expressed
& I am stressed
& I cannot reach you,
it’s not a test;
it’s the real thing.
I don’t know what to say.
I keep it shut,
can’t keep it up,
can’t feel,
can’t discern what is real
except for you
& that is terrifying too.
An august sage
would say
don’t give away
your heart;
keep it concealed & safe,
but I still do it anyway.
Older,
never wiser;
I steal it back
& run
hoping you won’t know it has gone.
Cause it is better to be numb
than to admit the truth
of your fierce & glorious gaze.
The world’s a lie
& everyone in it liars;
including me
it seems.
Cause it’s easy to push away,
harder to be another strain
on your solid shoulders.
Delightful to finally go insane
& want only
to be with you again