What was I trying to prove
When I kissed that girl in your room
Then called her boyfriend a cunt?
I was clearly putting on a front
You’d talked me up to your new friends
They all seemed cooler than anyone I knew
They thought I was cool too
You were so proud of me as you so often were
But I let you down as I so often do
I drank too much, took too much, spoke too much
Every thing since then has been loud
But there’s been nothing but silence between us.
Sometimes I wish I was a tic and could crawl inside your skin
Work my way up to your brain and let myself in
Too often have you shut me out and even more forceful do I push and push and push my way in to just -
Push you away
There’s only so many ways that I can say it
Why is it the easiest word
I shove a finger down my throat and purge -
“sorry”
When I kissed that girl on Saturday
It was as if to say:
What will it take for you to hate me?
Why don’t you hate me?
I wish you could hate me
It’s so lonely hating me
I could really use the company