Lukian.haid

The Void

When did I learn to unlove

When did I become an empty void

The constant feeling of dread

Soon is taken over by numbness

 

People say “it must be nice to feel nothing at all”

But don’t know the truth behind it

Nothing feels like the grim reaper 

Coming to collect his debt

 

Walk around with a smile to convince others

When in reality you are trying to convince yourself

You say “I\'m okay” with a stiff voice

Not actually knowing what you are truly feeling

 

Numbness is like a disease

Never fully satisfied until it consumes you completely

You feel trapped

Social meter runs out faster

 

You choose to feel physical pain 

To replicate the pain you wish you felt emotionally

You turn to vices, in hopes it may help you

But your slowly drowning in what once made you happy 



Numbness follows me like a lost puppy

Constantly there and growing impatient

Nothing is a void that can no longer be filled

A hole in the heart that shouldn’t be there

 

Numbness is the monster under your bed

A fiction of your imagination 

Waiting patiently to cross over into the real world

To terrorize you during the day too

 

Your only wish is to escape yourself 

To finally fall to the bottom of the rabbit hole

It isn’t a wonderland of bliss

It\'s a labyrinth like Tartarus

 

Constantly changing directions

With no rhythm or real pattern

An inescapable loop of altered reality

Like trying to open a locked door with the wrong key

 

As those people are my vices

To forget them would be unfair

Yet the memory of them haunts me

Finally their masks fall off

 

Through the rose tinted glasses 

You see me as cheery 

Take them off

And I am a thunderous rain cloud

 

I learned to unlove

When the people I held close hurt me

I became an empty void 

When I decided to fall back to them