Tall tales:
Old Albert, he stood in the bar room
Recounting on last night’s event
“I was making my way home down the dark backstreets. Out Into the twilight I went.”
“I walked up the street into the darkness,
I was less than fifty yards from the pub
When six blokes appeared from the shadows.“
It was me that they intended to mug.”
“ These villains were armed to the teeth
And built like a brick garden shed
But my combat training came back to me.
The mist that I saw crimson red !”
“They ‘d picked on the wrong bloke that evening,
and justice was going to be done.”
“Because, I’d left the army with a black belt in origami,”
They each had a knife and a gun.\"
“A Police car was passing the conflict.
And two coppers with truncheons drew near.
But eight men lay on the ground unconscious.
When the red mist started to clear.\".
“ The skills that I learned in the jungle.”
“ Came back like an old memory.”
The times that I had trained with the Gurkhas.
In camouflage that looked like a tree.\"
But there was a flaw in“ Albert’s” story.
And some of the facts were unsound.
Two Policemen attended the incident
And Albert was put to the ground.
Old Albert he’d had a few whiskeys
And when the cops passed him by in their van
He shouted a few words in Anglo Saxon.
And told them he was Jackie Chan.
The skills he had amassed whilst in the army.
Baking cakes or making meat pies.
Coz army chefs don’t do unarmed combat.
And Albert was telling us lies.
Albert wore his best suit to the courtroom.
As the judge told him the error of his ways.
He sentenced him to work in a kitchen .
In prison for thirty five days.