I have a problem.
Well, it\'s not much of a
problem,
as it is an issue.
You see,
I keep breaking my
promises,
I keep lying to myself,
forgetting who I am.
I don\'t know.
Feel like shit,
can\'t cope,
won\'t drink,
Can\'t smoke.
Who the fuck am I
to pretend to be sad?
I mean happy.
I mean mad.
I can\'t remember.
Swear I’m bad,
good,
mean,
sweet,
smart,
dumb.
I can\'t remember.
I return home
my feet hurt,
head spins,
bra too tight,
t shirt too loose,
hair in my face,
cars are loud,
the wind whistles,
people are talking.
Nothing feels right.
Nothing feels at all.
I am uncomfortable,
in my world,
in my body,
but I don’t feel anything.
Empty.
I stare at the road.
Something calls forward.
cars race past me
as I step on the edge.
It \'s Tuesday.
Good day as any other.
Would it be so bad?
Not being here?
Will this help me hurt?
Laugh?
Cry?
I go to cross.
Unmarked bridge.
My escape.
Everything stops.
I am desperate for the hurt
I used to hate.
For the love in my chest
And the tears in my eyes.
All I have left is the void in my stomach,
and dryness in my throat.
I have nothing.
My eyes glance sideways.
I pause.
My would be killer
passes right in front of me.
I keep breaking my
promises,
I keep lying to myself,
I don\'t want to die.
I just don\'t want to live.
So I’ll keep trying to survive
this head of mine.
The one that
walks me to the edge of
insanity,
Of the bridge,
Of the road,
Of the window.
The one responsible
for my hand on a knife,
on a bottle of pills,
on a gun.
Please,
I’m begging,
Save me from myself.