melellendixon

Searching for Poison

In recent years, I\'ve wondered why I cry

My loved ones only say my naiveté is sweet

And so at first, I gave them the blame 

Because at the time, all I needed was their love

But isolation left my flesh beat 

And hiding was my poison

 

When I eventually came into the light, I searched for new poison

Because even when I let my skin rest, I still seemed to cry

And then I feared hearing my own heart beat

So I\'d reach for something sweet

And binging became my new love

My acts of gluttony only ended when my body turned into my blame

 

As I spilled out of my wardrobe, those who died took the blame

And the sudden way in which they left became my poison

For all I asked was one last day of their love

So I\'d lay before their portraits and cry

Imagining them healing me, and whispering something sweet

That wouldn\'t leave my vision blood-soaked and beat

 

Somehow, this poison was yet another that I beat

And only God was left for me to blame 

So my attitude became bitter, hateful, anything but sweet 

And existentialism was my worst poison 

Like a fallen angel, I would desperately cry

Now absent of \"His\" comforting love

 

When flowers bloomed, I had nothing left to love

And all of my options had been beat

When I tried to discover why I cry

I was the only one to blame 

And I realized that all along, I was my own poison

A conclusion I found shockingly sweet 

 

The screaming thoughts in my head turned sweet 

And I learned it was myself who I had to love

And I no longer craved poison

And by my mind, I was no longer beat

So I stopped searching for something to blame 

And now I have no reason to cry