The news is in and things are bad
Santa has been fired
For breaching so many rules in his time
The poor sods been retired
Risk assessments have been conducted
By the health and safety board
And the police are investigating him on several counts of fraud
There\'s also breaking and entering
And charges of loitering in the street
Begging, coercing information and i won\'t mention scaring all the kids
Then MI5 really want to know
How he gets around,
Without a passport, to every country and ever single town.
And with all the languages that he speaks he is posing a heightened risk
So just for safety and assurances he\'s on their naughty list
And animal welfare are up in arms
Because reindeer can\'t live on carrots
And making them fly is just plain cruel
Their mammals not colourful parrots
Greta Thornbergs not in school again
Because his sleigh causes climate change
And black lives matter are fuming because they can find nothing strange
And with these new rules put in place
He\'s definitely not isolating.
Not wearing a mask or cleaning his, hands
Means he\'s a walking infestation.
So there you have it, the evidence is in
Christmas has been cancelled
Santa is the world\'s most wanted man
It\'s a terrible situation
But come Christmas eve when we are all asleep he\'ll be delivering presents
With some luck.
Because Santa is made of joy and magic and doesn\'t give a fuck