Shirley girl it’s been a thrill
Let me introduce you to Bill
He has a dog called Jet
He’s a solid bet
You’re dumping me after an hour
One hour
Sixty minutes of bliss
How you reminisced
Your ex Ted
Shot himself in the head
Mother Jill
Lying at the bottom of the hill
Father John
Somewhere in the Amazon
Grandad Cain
Threw himself under a train
Granny Flo
Where did she go
Not forgetting brother Fred
Lost, presumed dead
Then you mention your lesbian lover Di
Who right away I’m thinking
How did she die
Not realising, you must be Bi
Then just as I’m getting my head round that
You mention the cat
Is there a dog
What about the fog
Oh, that’s what caused the bus to disappear into the bog
You saved the lollypop man Jack
Well, that’s a blessing
What
Died next day, heart attack
Shirley girl
Don’t think of me as a bit of a moaner
But Jesus girl
You\'re a bloody Jonah.