i thought i trusted you
and now because of what you did, im caustious with everyone
it took me months to realize
well thats a lie, i knew what was happening as it happened
but i guess it took me months to really process it and i will never stop processing it
as time goes on im starting to share my story little by little
starting to accept it as time passes
and apparently im not the only one youve done this to
knowing this sucks
but yet validates my story even more
i still dont know all the little details but i got validation that it could be 99% true
youre absolutely disgusting
i was willing to do it and i did prior
you didnt have to drug me, roofy me, to get to me
and just 10 minutes before you took my clothes off,
i told you as i was trippin on whatever you laced your weed with.
\"this better not be like the movies where the guy takes advantage of a drunk girl\"
after hearing me say that you still chose to take my pants and underwear off
and i felt frozen
i couldnt speak
i couldnt move
i was in shock of what was happening
you didnt notice but
i shed a tear as i rocked back and forth from your bodily force
it wasnt aggressive
but it was traumatizing
ever since then every time i smoke i get so much anxiety
and i get so many flashbacks from that day
i remember smoking on the couch
and when i stood up it instantly kicked in
i remember walking into the garage and the next im in your bed
hearing every little sound
having anxiety seizures
thinking to myself that youre gonna do something bad to me
but never did i think you were going to rape me
when i think about what you did to me,
i get so vulnerable and want to share my story
but yet im so closed off and will want to take back sharing anything
there was a period of time where i thought about it every single day
surprisingly ive only cried about it twice within a year and a half
the next time i smoked with you and you tried to take my pants off,
i had the courage to say no
and you turned around in your bed and called me a \"fucking bitch\"
i will never forget when i was completely sober you wanted me to go down on you
aggressively pushing and forcing my head down
as i kept saying no a thousand times and stop a thousand times
and trying to push your hands off my head
and as i was hanging half off the bed you saw an opportunity to pin me down
and shove your dick in my face
being unable to sit up to escape from you
and to think you almost met my family
they dont know a single thing about what you did to me
and i dont think they ever will
i thought i felt safe with you
but i guess thats what the devil wanted me to think