The Vanishing Man
“I’m gonna go spend time with my dad”
A typical phrase
But for me
I never even knew what the word ‘dad’ meant
All I ever knew was
The vanishing man
He vanished when I was being born
The time where a women may need the most support
And he decides to
Vanish
I played with my friends a few years later
We’re at a daycare
“Hannah, you’re father is here” the caregiver calls out
‘Father’
Once i’m with my mother
I ask her
“What’s a father”
She gets a deepened look
“A father is someone who cares for you non-stop, will give everything up for you”
“It’s someone that you’ll never have”
Why can’t i have one
Everyone should have a father
Why not me
A few more years pass
And I get in contact with the vanishing man
My mother is okay with it
She says that if i would like to heal the relationship
Then i should
I didn’t know much at the age of 9
So I tried
I tried to mend a relationship
I thought that he left because I was too much
Too much to handle
But he’s reappeared
So maybe I wasn\'t too much
We talk for a few months
One day he asks me for money
What the hell am I supposed to do
I wasn’t even a teenager
I told him I don’t have any
And here comes the biggest surprise you’ll ever see
He has
Vanished
A few more years pass
I’m in middle school now
I’m very good at bowling
I get a lot of spares and strikes
I have a tournament in Lincoln
I know that’s where the vanishing man lives
But I don’t really care for him at this point
My mom says that she’s gonna see if he wants to come watch me bowl
He says he can\'t make it, but he’ll meet us for lunch
So, I agree
He asks me how my life is going
I tell him that I’m doing great
He makes small talk
It\'s time for me to go and he asks if he can get a hug
Who the hell does he think I am?
Who the hell does he think he is?
I tell him no
I tell him I don’t give hugs the vanished
“Good bye Ray”
He gives me a funny look
“Ray? I thought I was dad”
I laugh
‘Dad’ is deserved
You deserve nothing from me
I take that back
You deserve resentment and anger from me
And I have every right to give it to you
You left me
You left my mom
You left us
One more thing you deserve
You deserve the name
“The Vanishing Man”