I’d like to go out for a beer with the lads but I guess ‘er indoors would n’t like it.
Now I can’t go out until she’s asleep, so I’ll make her some cocoa and spike it.!
Some out of date drugs from the pharmacy shelf, should help her to get forty winks.
Then I’ll have a shower and splash on some Brut, and I’ll pop down tut local for drinks.
She’ll be wide awake by the time I get home, but pretend that she’s out like a light.
She’ll ask me tomorrow what time I got in, and who was I out with last night?
I’ll tell her I just ventured out for a beer, because she fell asleep in the chair.
And so not to disturb her she looked so at peace, I thought that I’d just leave her there.
I’ll say that I got in just after ten and she’ll think I’m some kind of Saint.
She’ll argue it was much rather just after one, and why am I always home late?
“ And why do I make such a noise when I’m drunk and giggle when coming to bed?”
“ And what will I have for the rest of the day? A hangover and a sore head!
I’m out in the garden cutting the grass,
She’s barking out orders whilst perched on her …… chair.
“ Don’t do it that way, you do it like this.”
“You’re doing it wrong and there’s some that you’ve missed.”
I settle on’t sofa to watch some TV,
She complains that there\'s nothing that she wants to see.
Then she gets her hands on the TV control.
She keeps changing channels, drives me “ Up the pole!”
I’m henpecked from dusk until dawn
We’re shackled together till parted by death.
Most of the time I pretend that I’m deaf.
I’m the henpecked husband who’s never at rest,
She’s always nagging while I’m trying mi best..
She takes me out shopping to buy her new clothes.
She demands my opinion on dresses she chose.
“ You don’t really like it !” she tells me before, I have chance to comment, she’s trying on more!!
I spend all mi weekend,, my two days of rest, outside Ladies dressing rooms in M and S.
When she’s finished shopping and spent all my pay,
She drags me round town for the rest of the day
She always complains she’s got “ Nothing to wear,”
Then spends a fortune on doing her hair.
“ I like your white dress.” I cautiously say.
“ I remember you wearing it once for a day.”
“I’m sure in that white dress you looked rather fine,”
“I just can’t remember the place or the time.
. So why not the white dress ? In that you can’t fail”
I can’t” she replies “ It’s got holes in the veil!”
I’m henpecked and pestered till the end of my days,
I’m old and I’m cold and stuck in mi ways.
I just can’t be bothered to argue it seems,
I thought that I’d married the girl of mi dreams,
A golden haired beauty, I took down the aisle.
And though we are older she still makes me smile
We traveled together down life’s winding road.
Sharing the happiness, bearing the load.
I told her if she was a Cherokee dame, I’d call her” Three horses.” an Indian name
These romantic words made my wife so elated.
“ It\'s Nag, Nag and Nag …….., roughly translated !”
And although we argue and bicker and moan.
She lights up my world, when we’re both at home
I just can’t imagine her not in my life.
My friend, my tormentor, she\'s my lovely wife.