When I was 9
I looked up the definition of love after school
This was because a classmate had told me that my mom didn\'t love my dad and that was sad
I tried to tell her that my mom did still love my dad they just don\'t live together anymore
Google told me love consisted of a full house
When I was 11
I looked up the definition of love after a bath
Where I had cried to God because if he loved all of his creations then why did I feel like this
I had asked him to let me feel any sort of joy again for all of my commitment to him
Google told me that it was when you couldn\'t help but smile all the time (I never spoke to him again)
When I was 12
I looked up the definition of love after math class
My friends all talked about their crushes and I
I didn\'t ever feel like that
Google told me it was when someone made you blush
When I was 13
I looked up the definition of love after a sleepover
No matter how many people told me it was wrong
Her lips had been so soft
Google told me it was when someone gave you butterflies (I knew I was right)
When I was 15
I looked up the definition of love after German class
After he showed me a picture of his pie
And told me it was of me because I was his cutie pie
Google told me it was when someone compliments you
When I was 16
I looked up the definition of love after a Halloween party
We went dressed as Ariel and Eric
And my blue skirt wasn\'t long enough to save me
Google told me that it was when you stayed committed to someone and everything would work out (It was never worth it)
When I was 17
I looked up the definition of love after a football game
Where I had begun to feel like there was a hole in me
That could never be filled
Google told me that when some people experience trauma they can be left feeling numb for years
When I was 19
I looked up the definition of love after therapy
Where I had finally felt the hole inside of me fill
Not with someone else but with my own reflection
Google told me that loving yourself is more important than anything else