The silence in my head is so loud,
All I can hear is my blood rushing through my system.
A quiet ringing invades my thoughts.
But no words.
How can one person have so many words inside of them?
And another so little?
How can one person sit and talk for hours on end about one thing?
And another have nothing to say at the end?
How does one go from raging emotions to blank space in a matter of seconds?
Because that\'s what I am.
A big, empty blank space.
No matter how hard I try,
I can\'t bring myself to talk.
As if there is a barrier around my mind,
Around my words.
Someone has locked them up
And all I can do is sit in the silence and let it overtake me.
Every once in a while, the barrier cracks
And words flood into my heart,
Try to claw their way out of my throat.
But, someone has placed another barrier-
Over my mouth.
When I do have words, they\'re internal.
No matter how much I want to say them
Or I know that I should say them,
Something stops me every time.
Catches my tongue at the last second.
Reigns in my thoughts like a wild horse that needs tampering.
Someone is behind the curtain, always snuffing out my flame.
And there is no one else to stop them.
Nothing can stop the right hand that suffocates me.
My friends are always asking for answers I can\'t give them.
Literally. There are things I want to say but when it is time for those words to make their way out,
Someone holds them back, erases them from my memory.
And I am left with silence.