Ladies and gents, boys and girls,
welcome to the magical world
of illusion, along with sleight of hand,
we\'ll even throw in a five-piece band.
No ticket needed to come in here,
but do not delay...the end is near!
This preacher can sing and dance and holler,
just don\'t forget to bring a dollar.
We\'ll tell you the way to live your life,
how to raise your kids, honor your wife,
you\'ll learn the exact chapter and verse,
did I say you need to bring your purse?
Every man and woman is going to hell.
Blame that on Adam and Eve who fell,
and you, my friend, are the worst of the lot!
You\'re a miserable wretch; you deserve to be shot!
But the product we offer will change all of that,
so, ladies first; gents remove your hats.
If you pass this up, you\'re bound to hell!
This is all legit...we have nothing to sell.
Just bring your wallet...you country clod,
and get your autographed picture of god.
All for a little donation.
You still have time to save your soul.
Make that your Saturday afternoon goal.
Give up the beer and the bars and the girls,
you women, get rid of those seductive curls,
the tight fittin\' dresses and high heeled shoes.
Believe me, sister, you\'re gonna lose
your house, your car and your radio
unless you come in here and get the glow
that comes from singin\' and shoutin\' and all.
We\'ll throw in a holy ghost, lacy prayer shawl.
Come get a miracle to remove the curse,
just don\'t forget to bring your purse.