“Are you my mother?”
Is a book we read as kids
But
“Am i your mother?”
Is a question i ask daily
Am i your mother
Even though you are not here?
Am i your mother
Although i never got to hold you?
Am i your mother
If i didn’t know about you until it was too late?
Am i your mother
If i don\'t know whether you would have been
A girl or a boy?
Am i your mother
If i never heard you cry?
Am i your mother
Even though when i took that test
You were already leaving?
Am i your mother
Even though my body,
Which should have been your safe place
Is the place you ceased to exist?
Am i your mother
If i couldn’t watch you grow up?
Am i a mother at all?
Maybe to some it seems
Like i am overreacting
But to me this is reasonable
Although nothing about the situation
Is reasonable
This is mourning
Even though no one should ever
Have to mourn their child
Shouldn’t it hurt less?
Since i didn’t even know about you?
But i will carry those words with me for the rest of my life
“You are having a miscarriage”
A miscarriage?
But I’m not pregnant
I can’t have a miscarriage
If I’m not pregnant
You made a mistake
This must be a mistake
But i walked out that day
With an appointment summary
And a school excuse
And my medical records show
That my reason for visiting was a
“Spontaneous aboriton”
Is there not a better term?
There is not
For them it is that simple
They tell you that your baby is dead
And they send you home
With ibuprofen for the pain
But what about the pain
That can’t be fixed
With ibuprofen?
That is not their problem
They see so many people like you
Of course they have to get used to it
But do i have to get used to it?
I have to carry on with my life
Knowing that i was growing
A life inside of me
But for reasons that i will never know
That life was cut short
And i will carry that pain with me
Much longer than i got to carry her
I don’t that she was a girl
It was just a feeling
Call it mother’s intuition
If you consider me a mother