queer-with-a-pen

yearning, a noun

yearning like a choke chain,

like a feral animal

chewed off its own back paw

caught in the jaws of a

steel trap

 

and what you did to me

didn’t hurt any more than

what i did to myself

 

though, 

what did you do,

besides tell the truth,

that you couldn’t love me back?

 

how could i resent 

you for that, 

my love?

 

because i did what

i do best as a hopeful

romantic and self-proclaimed bard

 

i fell in love

let this yearning make me

into a love-sick fool

 

only ever a fool for you,

which is a nicer way of saying

i broke my own heart

before you ever even

got the chance to try

 

and maybe there’s 

a certain kindness in that.

holding all this yearning at bay

 

trying to find a good metaphor

to say i still love you

and not have it sound desperate and sorry

at the same time