a birthday is approaching
another memory kicks in.
it\'s somewhat vague
yet it lingers,
just another blurry haze.
and now it\'s repeating.
i can\'t say it was traumatic,
it doesn\'t leave me trembling
and it\'s not making my throat dry
but it does
make me flinch a little
it does make me hitch my breath
and yet
why would it traumatize me if i wanted it to happen.
why would it traumatize me if i begged for it,
if i\'m still begging for it,
if i still dream of it.