i pushed a lullabye
out with paint,
i spilled it on the canvas
that would cover your grave.
i spent so many years
just dreaming of you
and then you came
without warning,
and then you came again-
too early.
i didn’t mean to sing so loudly,
i didn’t mean to rush you.
i was only trying to calm your twisting,
kicking against my walls,
your home.
i was trying not to crumble
beneath the weight.
i was only wanting you to feel safe,
for you to stay.
i’m sorry if i wasn’t better prepared,
that the walls i provided
were aged with scar tissue
and unhealthy baggage.
i really miss you
and dream of you everyday,
i know you would be beautiful
and smart and just
all the things.
all of the very right things.