A break where no tear should be
It reappears and evaporates so fickly
A sickly sight beneath my skin
I hate it there
Itching and scratching
Relentless
And when the itching starts to hurt
I hate that I let it
I’ve let it fester past a bother
scrunch and knot up tight
I try to untie it
The want isn’t more than that
that’s why I fail
I need the meaning
I need the pain
I need the significance of something lost
So I let it hurt me
Even though it shouldn’t
Even though I loathe what it does
It’s a wall I can’t push past
A symbol of nothing that stands so strong
Because that pain makes it legible
I can’t hold onto the unintelligible
And I can’t let anything go
I turn muddle to rhythm
The music I make to continue
Yet that same music deafens me
I want it to quiet
I want to allow myself to sit in the silence
A simplicity that creates disaster