I always knew
it will be short timed
when I sneak
into your sister\'s house
when we talked
briefly, counting
our words like kids
with your laptop on your thigh
and I seated at the edge of the sofa
saying a hundred words
while you replied with just thirty
I always wanted
more alone time
tho our words and speech
ain\'t so funny and joyful
but we knew how to bend it in
our heart and soul
places to keep it in
and later ponder on it
like a year old child
who just start learning to speak
I never knew I\'d fall for you
ur pimpled face and bald hair
your nose with a horizontal line
on the neck of it,
only seen when in your embrace.
that windy evening as I walked home
after an hour of horny satisfaction
I never knew that I will be so fragile
I will be so soft and vulnerable
that I will soon forget the sex we had
and having it awaken by your message
the next Sunday morning
as I play with my mobile phone
while the pastor stand on the alter
walking to and fro
with a white handkerchief
wiping the sweat on
his doughnut like face
I always feel
a stingy pains when I leave your side
when your hand left my broad shoulders
when my thick form sandwich it self
in the gaunt fair body of yours
when you whisper in my ears
\" Don\'t be in a rush\"
\"we have all night to explore \"
how we dance in the spacious living room
of your sister duplex house
how you told me you love
old school music than others
how you tease me of my short status
while you smile and say its normal
I always thought of us away
Me in Sokoto or maybe Kaduna
and you in Lagos or maybe Adamawa
serving your father\'s land
maybe you will meet your new lover there
maybe he will be a corper like you
or maybe a regular youth
you might met at a party, market, mall
or maybe on a dating app
where we first came in contact
maybe you might meet him
in an unexpected places
in a challenging circumstances
and he might be a savior to you
while I was just in your life
after an evening of good sex
in a house that was not
owned by any of us
I always think that
a day will come
when we will be days and weeks away
from each other
no phone calls or chat
when I will get another body form of comfort
of warmth and embrace
one who tease me of my big nose
or my big black head
I always wanted
to find someone who will share some
known qualities that made me fall for you
been reserved, quite, shy or timid
very chossy of words
and careful to design them even when you are wrong
and make me look like a nagging wife
who always looks for fault in all that you do
I always wonder
who you will end up with
will he be more cute than me
maybe he will be taller
a slim body figure like you
maybe the embrace won\'t be like ours
maybe he will have full kinky hair
a more brownish eyes
slender legs and flat behind
maybe he will have skin the color of
beans cake made with palm oil.
And I have always known
our love won\'t be celebrated
we will stay hidden
in a closet we both made
for ourselves
fully in love, no matching rings
I will still bear my full name
and you will still have yours
how we won\'t be able to have kids
or even try to adopt
because they say we are different
and our difference is not accepted
never celebrated, neither a
life worth emulating
I will always remember
the days I spend with you
even in the cuddle of another
how you push ur hand backwards
signaling me to hold on to it
never let it go
and now am drown in the arms of another
but a sector of my heart still hold
a little current of love for you
that will be re energized
when we locked eyes
when my brains still holds
pictures of times
spend with you
hanging in quite place that was
once lively and joyful
when you were in my arms
I always ask myself
will you think of me
the way I did of you
even in the arms of another?
or will you feel more free and relieved
of leaving me for your new lover
who will never be me
and I will never be him