And so I guess I was right. Sunday March 15th, 2020, 10:08am LA time I swear I met my soulmate. Tuesday August 10th, 2021, 9:48pm LA time I saw those stunning brown eyes. Never once did I think you would do something so damaging to a heart and soul that would have sacrificed absolutely everything just too see that precious smile on your face. I won the I love you more game and all those other little fights. Forever and always? Oh those silly words we said. I meant them but did you? Soulmates you said? Well isn\'t it funny how all those promises all those words seem to now be forgotten by you. You promised me the world. I fell for it. We were good while we lasted. Unfortunately, we might\'ve just been lovers that went wrong. So easy for you to say just let it go when you weren\'t the one who had to bear with that feeling.. Monday February 14th, 2022, 8:50 pm we had our latest “goodbye”. It was like I was your flower and you watered me but one day didnt give me sunlight. So I died. I saw something that had me up crying, covering my mouth, shaking. The little time I slept that night, I woke up with red swollen eyes still shaking, numb to feeling having to deal with everything that had gone on.You lied to me, that was the one thing you said you wouldn\'t do. The next day I went to school hyperventilating all day long. I was crying till I physically felt sick to my stomach. I didn\'t want to talk about it.”I’m tired,” I said, barely able to get steady words out of my mouth. Well yeah I was tired from being let down by everybody. “It\'s okay guys really. They\'re happy. That makes me happy. I\'ll be okay. They truly are the best person you could ever meet” I said, barely able to walk straight as tears rolled down my cheek onto my clothing. When we had that conversation that night, I felt the difference from you to me. I felt emptiness in my heart. A physical pain I get. Ill never forget it.
And so I know loving you has never felt so wrong yet so right. What a shame you didn\'t know what you had.Almost like you find joy in knowing what you did broke me. You threw your shade at me and let your friends talk down on me knowing I absolutely never did anything wrong. Meanwhile I still talk about you like you\'re the most amazing person and I never once let anyone speak down on you. But hey we can\'t both be the bigger person. I\'ll never be that petty because I refuse to break my promises. I stand by my words, something you didn\'t know to do. Maybe I don\'t miss you. Maybe I just miss the person you were. So I guess I would rather have the worst of you than have nothing at all. At least that\'s what I would tell myself. Now I know I have some respect for myself. I can\'t even cry anymore. Nothing comes out. So I just sit in the silence and voids of our memories, laughing. I saw the signs and I ignored them. Not intentionally, I was just worried about you. That just shows the pureness in my heart. So i\'m not even mad about it. Loving you used to be the absolute best feeling. I truly do believe everything happens for a reason. I don\'t know the reasoning for this yet and that\'s okay. What comes easy isn\'t good. Nothing good come easy. I’ll fight.
Looking back I wish I knew but I’m thankful for the memories. You loved me with your worst intentions. I remember everything so clearly. You used to be my remedy. After everything we’ve been through together I’m hoping this one gets added to the list. Isn\'t it funny that all your words are reused. How many times have I crossed your mind and you just threw that thought aside. How do you just go on like we never planned our future together. 2 dogs, a duck, and a fish we never gave a name. You swore I meant everything to you. Clearly that wasn\'t enough to make you stay. I would\'ve never done that to you. People say karma takes care of things. I also believe it does. I pray to god that you never have to feel any type of pain. Do you ever realize the pain in my eyes. I look back at all the pictures and all the videos i\'ve taken of myself since and you could see me smiling but trying so hard not to cry. I stayed down for you THROUGH EVERYTHING. There is a solution to all this but we have to both want to fix things in order for it to work. The problem here is you ran out of love for me. Mine hasn\'t gone anywhere darling even if it seems it has. I\'m disappointed in the fact that you couldn\'t even tell me the truth. You made me lose the trust I had in you. As much as I say I’m great, there will always be that part of me. You said I’d always have special place in your heart, do I still? Everyone believes i’m okay just because I act the role. What they dont know is the nights and times It hits me harder and I have to sit with all the thoughts in my head. I have to pray to god every day to give me the force to get through my day without thinking of you and to not break down again. I cant talk to anyone about it. I know im young, But If i know anything at all we’re made for each other. Part of giving all your love and effort at such a young age is having to realize people will take it for granted. You’re my favorite person. I wanted us to last through everything together. I gave you all my love for you to just betray me. And so I guess I loved you more then I loved myself. Whether its now or later we’ll meet again. I promise. This happened for the best we both needed to mature I guess.
And so I guess life goes on with or without you. All good things come to end whether death does you apart or someone does something. If you ever dare to question my loyalty, I hope all our memories come rushing through your head so you remember I never did anything wrong. I fell in with you for your personality and nothing else. I stayed when we all know I had every reason to go. I did so much for you you truly wont know because I did all those things from the kindness and tenderness of my heart because I love you. All your doing is making me stronger at the end of it. Everything changed me. You\'re proving my point that I don\'t need a single person except myself. I don\'t need a goodmorning to go along with my day. I slept perfectly fine without your goodnights. I don\'t need an I miss you to smile anymore. I have myself. To me that\'s the most important thing. I made you my priority and I put your feelings before mine. Never will I do that again for anyone. I’m a very amazing and successful girl and person. I now know you don\'t care about a single thing about me. There\'s lots of people who are willing to care for me. There\'s so many people who are mature and treat me so much better. So go ahead and try your best to forget me. You wont. One day my name will be brought up because its a common name but you\'ll remember me. I know what I\'m worth and what I deserve. I may talk to a lot of people but it never gets serious. So don\'t think I hold back for you because I don\'t. I hold back because I want to focus on myself and my future. I genuinely believe nobody deserves all the love I give out. I know what I want. I’m going to be so successful in life. With or without you. You\'re gonna know what it\'s like to miss me, trust me. Whether you say you do or you don\'t.One day. I do know that eventually we’ll find each other again though. However in the meanwhile if i cross paths with someone else for a little and you see me giving them my love know that it could\'ve been you. You broke the bond. One day we’ll mend the pieces together….. I hope. I’m not putting my life on hold for you. I\'ll continue to smile through everything no matter what. It makes me sad to say but without you I\'ve become the best happiest version of myself. When you\'re upset know i\'ll always be here as a friend if anything . Oh and btw I still pray for yours and your loved ones safety. You know in the most respectful way possible Nobody will love you like I do. One day you’ll realize it. I hope that day it\'s not too late. Until then, I\'ll let time tell things. I cant wait for the day you wake up and sincerely realize what you\'ve done and what you let go. Always remember though I never gave up on you. I understand that we have to grow. I wish we couldn\'t grow apart but together as we once planned.
And so I guess in the end of it all when it\'s all said and done, I won\'t be the one crying but I’ll be here when that day comes xoxo ap.