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Attempts at lifelong friendships and holy matrimony...

Introduction: once again I incorporate

my trademark penchant

to fabricate fictitiously

portions of the following poetic endeavor

can you care to

discern fact from fiction?

Attempts at lifelong friendships and holy matrimony...

Shot thru with figuratively cankerous nub,

cuz yours truly did flub

even though as a scouting cub

how yours truly - alias Phil Anderer

committed faux paw unlike me papa bear,

he set admirable example

sidestepping and skirting carnal temptation,

(testes one... two...; testes one... two...)

squelching roaring testosterone

against succumbing, rutting, quieting

call of the wild desire meaning

inevitably envisioning seducing,

mounting, kissing, caressing...

receptive quite pleasing gals,

nonetheless merely fending off such

verboten enticement left him panting.

Think surrendering to playful kibitizing

as kickstarter to hanky panky;

said violation against matrimonial covenant,

thwarting potential indiscretion subsequently

linkedin with Capital one aplomb.

I never bore witness

seeing me dada caught

in sexually compromised contretemps

to any aforementioned high fidelity hubbub,

yet his sole male offspring (me)

begat courtesy Harriet and Boyce,

(but one minor tidbit to share,

neither father nor mother physically alive

they long since passed away

to Elysian Fields)

found their one and only son - nada faithful

blithely nixing pledged troth,

which rent asunder filial bond

between self and precious progeny

plus provoked wrathful ire

and eventually forgiving soul of thee missus,

nevertheless her heartfelt

initial fury at discovery

of absent husband from Bryn Mawr quarters

didst activate pulse

to throb considerably faster

and louder than usual subdued lub dub

and even at present

when daring to discuss

mine moonlighting one night tryst

as Casanova wannabe, which

hard drive of mine generated message

Abort, Retry, Fail?

Though willy never freed

flagellated empowered gamete sea men

despite libido being shifted to high gear;

sexual intercourse never consummated,

nor coital orgasmic bliss experienced

much less allowed, enabled and provided

ditto the recipient of mine adulterous affections.

Far fetched fanciful whim

(hard to believe) fallacy

complicity, excitedly, and willfully

following imaginative thought,

though following whim never expressed,

but how rousing, spellbinding,

tantalizing the thought of foreplay

exciting, fondling, goading

receptive flirtatious paramour,

an alluring mistress of color

to attempt and strategize my abduction

as random human trafficked heist

held prisoner until an undisclosed

sum of ransom money

delivered to the captors.

The wife ofttimes references taboo subject

regarding aborted love affair

(alluding to side piece as underhanded gibe)

upon being probed, questioned, and raked

over figurative coals with intimate queries.

These mild interrogations

trigger a sudden uptick

in voluminous silence;

tick tock transpires soundlessness

spikes male level lent rub,

between one once randy husband

and grateful wife; she exhibited forgiveness;

how virtuous ma lady accepting spouse,

which whole frisky fiasco

(on a Freaky Friday)

fostered felicitous flagrante delicto

induced reciprocal black barbs upon psyches

their paternal parent inflicted.

Although antics unbecoming

monogamous kickstarted, declared, and avowed

essentially compromising legally binding union

long since ceased

(matter of fact yesterday April 21st, 2022

me and the missus

went shopping at BJ\'s. Whole Club

200-C Mill Rd, Oaks, PA 19456),

the psychological fallout

still indelibly etched.

Tumultuous emotions roiled

driving past long gone

home of me childhood

324 Level Road no longer exists,

yet chuckful of memories

flooded mine consciousness

flashback triggered gamut

of existential trials and tribulations.

As a youngster behavior of yours truly

(i.e. mine) never purportedly \"bad\"

rather reserved, I gave no indication

then how such a cute beastie boy

when becoming acculturated

within loving family provenance

versus disaster later married life evinced

displayed, exhibited, and flaunted

characteristics antithetical, diabolical,

heretical, and piratical

(so much for hyperbole)

par excellence of an exemplary cad,

a most definite poor example

and embarrassment of one

good for nothing dad

to two adorable daughters,

who deserved better egad

myself as basket of deplorable

father figure in retrospect me not glad

carrying on illicit affair

trying to compensate

while cultivating the row

(elle) regarding husbandry

during and post pubescence

never going out on date,

nor kissing an attractive lass,

when poet of Perkiomen Valley

scores of years ago

besotted with anguish

extremely, governed as introvertedly,

and painfully shy lad,

(he knew nothing about

powder milk biscuits)

and more or less describes himself

during his adolescence as a \"wallflower\"

self deprivation concerning experiencing

life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness

found aging logophile mad

at himself missing out

on typical social/interpersonal casual forays

donned in fashionable dungarees and plaid

fast forward to mein kampf as unhappily wed

whereby hours spent

(rather wasted) posting

and answering personal classifieds

for female assignations

numbering well into bajillions

in other words quite a scad

only countless lunar months ex post facto

did sincere regret prevail

mooch more\'n a tad;

dalliances involving barenaked ladies

costing inxs of any legal tender wad.