i hate you
i really do,
from your head to your toes
heart to soul.
but at the same time
i don’t want to
it’s hard
difficult even
to find things to hate
though there are so many
because all i wanted
was motherly love
and i never got it,
i grew up watching and learning
going to you for the wrong advice
i think,
maybe,
you set me up for failure.
is this what you wanted?
an awful, awful mini mom.
where i have failed
day after day
night after night
i disappoint
though i try so hard,
so hard, for you to love me,
to want me,
to need me.
all your characteristics
i find deep within me
and it’s disgusting.
every yell and scream has come onto me,
and i can only hope,
that i’m doing better than you,
that maybe now i’m gone,
you’ll start to care a little more.
but i know now,
from the bottom of my heart,
i will never
ever
feel that false love again.
and sometimes it feels good,
sometimes it hurts,
and sometimes,
i want to love you.