No one taught me balance.
My mother the most selfless.
My father the most selfish.
My mother the one stays despite the destructive waves hurdling her way.
My father the one who runs the moment he see\'s a shinny new penny catching his attention despite the wealth already cultivated.
My mother never knowing her worth.
My father only knowing his ego\'s growth.
All of the turmoil and chaos around me.
Wanting to heal them both never allowing me to be a child.
I emotionally supported my mother where my father couldn\'t.
I nurtured my father in ways his mothers couldn\'t.
I protected my mother from my father\'s rage.
I had to stand on guard looking for the next attack.
I had to learn to walk on egg shells not to set off his rage.
I had to put their emotional needs before my own.
Imagination the only relief found from the chaos.
Disassociation the way I survived.
Moving on to the next chaotic event to the next.
Fearful of the quiet moments so I created more chaos as a teenager just so I didn\'t have to heal.
Maybe these poems sound like a broken record but I am trying to write it out of my system.
I am trying to understand balance.
I am healing on my own.
No idea what the hell I am doing.
All I know is that my inner child screams to be heard.
All I know is that my inner child needs her expression understood.
All I know is that I hope these poems bring people in my life who are looking for someone to heal with because like me they feel lost.
Better to walk blindly together than alone because we can help each other heal.
We can help each other find ourselves because I have no clue who I am. or what I want.
I just know I want to be authentic and I want to heal.
I just know that I want people to walk next to me on this journey because I am tired of doing it alone.