STANZA II
“الظلام”
A summary of character
I struggle to find
Without it
I can never be free from this internal bind
Acknowledgements of how others have failed
And the balancing act to not drown in self pity
The holes i see in the mirror that arent on my shirt
But deep in my heart
A look into the reflection of my eyes
I see that i am in a dark hopeless place
Where no true untainted love can start
Now with this i am stuck
Between an unfulfilling life where i feel destined to fail
And death a place were if i went it would mean the lesser part of me prevailed
I wish i could remove this veil
And bare my soul to others
In the hope that they will embrace and cherish it
As i do to others
Im no saint
I have so many flaws
But as i step forward
And attempt to achieve the freeing practice of balance
The tips are scaled
And i am once again carrying the weight of them all
I no longer trust as willing as i did once because :
la naïveté dans mon cœur
Est la cause de tant de douleur
Actions done in jest that introduced to me a never ending sensation of stress
Betrayals and failures of fidelity tests
Have left me a mess
A hypocritical promoter of reciprocity
An open ear but with a mouth that refuses to speak
STANZA III
נעלם”
So i write or more accurately
I type
I type these emotions
These burdens
The ones that keep the flames of my self destructive self doubt and insecurities constantly burning
In a way I always feel like I’ve deserved it and all my mistakes add up to me earning it
This stygian emotional state
Analogous to the river styx
Wherein my defeated soul wades in my past mistakes
I no longer know how long or how much more i can take
I’m scared because i sense it in the distance
The darkest space
The place where my soul will break
A place of comfort
Seems to be my Atlantis
A fruitless expedition
Partly due to the inadvertent arsonists I’ve befriended in the past and present
I’ve gazed across the bridge
And watched them carelessly play with matches
While i throw mine away
every time the lesser part of me puts them in my hand
The bridge is burning
But the flames claim only my side
I never choose to stay stranded on the land
My misguided empathy lands me in a far too forgiving situation
Swimming through the water under the bridge
Still seeking to provide aid to the arsonist