I wish I could say I\'m better for good.
It\'s always, I\'m better, and then downward
slope.
For every once in a while, my arms tingle
as the voice whispers, \"just once, please?\"
And I scream and scream and cry and panic.
for what do I do?
How do I stop an invisible force?
How do you stop yourself?
I\'ll hear my younger self whisper
\"I want to go home\",
and I know she does not mean a place.
We always meant we wanted to go where
It felt like home, a person. A feeling.
But one by one, home leaves.
Home doesn\'t stay.
Home ignores you and stops showing up for things.
Home stops calling. Home stops texting.
You hear from home once a month.
Maybe less.
And we search and search till there\'s
a new home and we smother it.
For we do not know patience.
We were never taught.
And as I sit crying on the floor,
she weeps, \"I want to go home!\"
And through blinded eyes and with shaky
voice I whisper to her, soon.
We will go home soon.
I promise.
I just keep breaking my promise to her.