Meg

10 Steps to learn how to smoke, a guide by someone who gave up their addiction

  1. 1. Extend your hand like you’re willing to give up everything they gave you.
  2.  
  3. 2. Place one of the clear papers on your left palm, next to the open wound, reminder of how much love hurts.
  4.  
  5. 3. Rummage through the tobacco paquet, pinching the dry leaves the same way you rummaged through yourself, trying to find a piece of your soul that wanted to leave, even when you knew you had to.
  6.  
  7. 4. Spread the leaves and place the filter. Curl your fingers around it, like you used to curl them around their cold hands, desperately trying to warm them. Be careful not to spill your tears, I mean leaves, on the wet floor. You’ll just embarrass yourself. 
  8.  
  9. 5. Imagine tucking the kid you will never share into bed, covers warm and cozy when you tuck the paper within itself around the leaves.
  10.  
  11. 6. Twist your thoughts and cigarette the same way they did your words. Easily, effortlessly.
  12.  
  13. 7. Good, you are doing great. Now, place it on your lips. Hold it there, like unspoken truths that now live among your regrets. The pressure light and comforting. 
  14.  
  15. 8. With your right hand, carefully snap the flint stone of the lighter. A spark with the potential for disaster. You find it fitting as you bring it closer to you. Feel the warmth of that which will harm you. It wouldn’t be the first time, wouldn’t it? 
  16.  
  17. 9. Almost done, my dear. Remember the way you used to kiss them? How your lips would touch theirs, gently, carefully, lovingly. Inhale that moment and feel the smoke in your lungs, knowing it’s a death sentence and hoping it’ll kill you before you do it yourself.
  18.  
  19. 10. Now let it go. Exhale and watch every bit of pain turn into smoke. Watch it curl around you and the wind take it away. Welcome to your new addiction.