STANZA IV
“주저”
Lost and confused i know not what to do
My heart yearns for a soul that may be unfamiliar when we get the chance to connect again
An instability that they bring somehow attracts and motivates me because i see a wonderful character that just needs to be healed
But at some point this potentially emotionally fatal attraction must be sealed
Maybe i should pick up the match
And let my disdain from being hurt and disappointed so many times become its own part of my personality and apathetically watch it hatch
But i refuse
It has no use
My reign of terror
Would bring no happy republic
My catharsis would destroy my relations with the public
At times i wish i could and think nothing of it
Is that the way to be free ?
To not be aware that your words can cut one deep
And that your actions could make others cry themselves to sleep ?
Is that freedom ?
Is that the world where if i searched for burdens
I would be able to say “i see none “
But im strapped into to this hyperaware state of seeing when even the smallest damage is done
STANZA V
On my odyssey to find a relief valve
A last ditch effort to cut this mountain of pain into manageable halves
How do i perceive words from others ?
Do i choose to only see lies
I’m still vulnerable
I was reminded of that cruel fact
I was taken aback
By the reality that i could still feel like that
So much pressure built up
I swore i would crack
Lies and emotional uncertainties
A recurring theme
In this complicated and mirthless life of me
The person i view in the mirror mercilessly attacks
Constantly criticizing
While ignoring the context of the weight on our backs
Even in my sleep I can’t escape
My subconscious serves up my fears
So eloquently
Worthy of 3 stars
Michelin
7 course meals of my insecurities
Feeding myself emotional carcinogens
Its like i can never settle in
A nomad wandering in search of a place of peace
Maybe my fate is sealed
And ive already banned the future me from that settlement
If i could unlove i would
But the light of happiness would still be blocked
By the clouds of gloom
Shapers of my world
my unresolved issues