I remember a time where I yearned to fall asleep
I would lie in bed and immediately feel protected by an army of fluff and warmth
Ever since I met you though, I avoid closing my eyes for as long as possible
Prolonging the day just so I wouldn’t have to think about you
The thought of you infiltrating my mind made my stomach turn in pain
You’d think it was the demons suffocating me and forcing me to take my last breath
Or feeling and remaining paralyzed as every word I attempted to utter stumbled against the back of my teeth
The creepiest of smiles watching and waiting to hear me scream simply because it enticed their ears
But really I would rather a monstrous uproar than to feel your face 2 inches from mine
Or my agonizing thoughts conjuring up your false touch
Your smile is engraved in me and I’m trying not to get attached because as soon as I wake up you’re no longer visible
I would rather the blood seep down my face than to wipe away tears
I’d rather be broken and contorted than to only have you for a few seconds
Every night I see you is a never ending purgatory of pain and it hurts far worse than any evil I dare to imagine
Sometimes I think I like the pain though
Because real you and real me were so messed up that dream us could be perfect
Because real you and real me could never communicate and it wracked my brain with every fight
And yes real me and real you drifted so far apart that even seeing you in a dream shocked me
And yes dream you tortured dream me but real you completely destroyed real me
Your presence in my life is all my nightmares require but being able to fix us is one of my deepest desires