My eyes are blurred with tears as I cry
My broken heart silently asking why
In the depths of depression, I dwell every day
No one should have to live this way
Some people go through life without a care
While others live theirs in total despair
It could be your neighbor, a relative, or a close friend
Most are little ones whose hearts never mend
Abuse is an ugly vein when it runs in family trees
Behind the closed doors where nobody sees
Remembering back through all of my life
Of what I’ve endured through my years in the fight
An old woman now and I still remember it all
Every detail, every pain, it still makes me bawl
Let’s just say the scars never heal
This is my story and I assure you it’s real
I was her rag doll who she’d scratch and dig
My skin under her nails, the marks were so big
She didn’t like laughter and giggles, no room for fun
She stopped it with ‘whatever had to be done’
Pinching, and scratching, and pulling my hair
Hitting with hairbrushes, welts everywhere
Washing my mouth out with soap if I sassed
Yelling at me when she heard me laugh
Yardsticks were her favorite thing though
Because those would strike the worst blow
My bed piled high with dirty wet dishes
I would’ve washed them all for some hugs and kisses
Large red welts left behind on my 10th birthday
I still remember that like it was yesterday
Years of belittlement, shame, and despair
Has left bitter scars that will always be there
She turned a blind eye when stepdad walked in
And sexual abuse was introduced in our house of sin
This was the thing that pushed me further into my shell
And fueled the flames of my own silent hell
She eventually became helpless, sick and fat
She ended up immobile, how about that?
What I didn’t realize though, unfortunately
Is that here’s where it got even worse for me
Each night I slept on the floor next to her bed
My wrist tied to hers with a super long thread
She yanked on that string over and over again
So, I’d wake up and scratch all of her itchy dead skin
One night in desperation she pulled and she begged
I woke up to find a spider crawling right up her leg
She was a large woman and lived in her bed
And needed to be turned like a flame roasted pig
Then in the morning I’d help her to stand
And a sponge bath I gave her with my own little hands
All these are things, I’m sure you’d agree
A child shouldn’t do and should never have to see
I hated my mother, my life, and the feeling inside
Depressed, helpless, and so terribly petrified
I felt shame, useless, powerless, and scared
I really wish she would have just cared
She made me hold a coffee can while she peed into it
Same with the back end, I tried not to vomit
I was in my own little world of depression and shame
I was a filthy nothing with only myself to blame
Trays of pies of all flavors from the hostess family
Sandwiches and snacks are what she fed me
Peanut butter & jelly, egg salad, tuna, and deviled ham
Replaced the balanced meals I should have grown up on
She took me out of middle school to be her fulltime slave
I was totally alone and was forced to behave
All this and more took place until I was eighteen
When finally, the authorities stepped in to save me
You may ask, “why is abuse almost all you write of”?
Maybe my words will spark someone to love
Instead of being angry, abusive and mean
Just maybe you’ll read this remember what you’ve seen
I’m not one of the lucky ones who lived life without a care
And I still have so many horrible memories to bare
I wanted to share my story with you
To shine a light on child abuse
Please people, think before you commit this crime
You’ll scar them for years, and maybe for all of time
Remember that your children are the future generation
And if child abuse continues, we’ll be left in total desolation