A phrase made popular by going back to your hometown after traveling
or going back to old customs
But for some this phrase means something different
My roots are embedded in my old life
A past that i prefer to forget
But getting back to my roots
Is so much harder than that
My roots are deep in the heart of sadness itself
I remember being so distant from everything
From everyone
My body was present
But my mind was in another galaxy
Spoken words just smashed together
Slowed down to the point that they sounded like thunder
And a lightning strike would be the only thing that caught my attention
But as always
Thunder returns and drowns everything out
Id rather not dig up my roots
Because like a tree
I rely on my roots to keep me alive and strong
If you were to uproot me
You would be sadly disappointed
You would find the usual things like dirt
And parasites
But if you look closely
If you count the endless array of small hairlike roots
Youll find the story of my life
Youll see all my memories
Everything that has built up
All the mean and hurtful things that people have said
And even the things i\'ve said myself
The deeper you dig
The more dirt you throw aside
Unveils the twists and turns in my lifetime
There came a point in my life
When i didnt care
About anything really
I saw the world as unfair
Nothing seemed exciting anymore
I would lug myself around
Barely being able to concentrate on anything
I felt empty
My life was at a stand still
But my mind was always racing
Day and night were no different from each other
Except for the darkness
I felt as if i was full of darkness
I had no color
Every cut
Scrape
Bump and bruise
Only made the darkness more powerful
Every day i felt the darkness welling up inside of me
Every second it was consuming me
And i did nothing to stop it
When we were young
We were taught by our teachers
Our parents
And those guys we all thought were tree huggers
That carving your initials into a tree was wrong
Usually a waste of time because nothing lasts forever
But they were right
Carving a heart into a tree is ironic
You had good intentions
But it just hurts everyone in the end
Sometimes i miss those times
Being sad was all i knew
It was what kept me sane
But it was dangerous
A constant battle of trying to stay sane
Or let the insanity take me away
Allow myself to feel
Or burrow deeper into darkness
There came a time
When i was sick
That i chose to change
So when the time came
And i was ready
I rose as high as i could
And waited
I waited for the right lightning strike
The strike that was powerful enough to ignite my soul
And sure enough
When that perfect flash lit the sky
And the final wave of thunder rolled through
I was set aflame
I burned for a long time
But it took time to destroy what my life was
All the sadness
All the regret
All the agony i felt on a daily basis
But when all was said and done
And i was nothing but ash and smolder
I began my new life
From ashes to new is an understatement
I started as a sprout
and i wasn\'t alone
I grew myself from the ground up
And i am still growing
Youll never see me go back to those times though
Never again will i let the color be drained
Or my spirit be stripped
Being uprooted maybe detrimental to some
But for others
It’s a new beginning
So I’m getting back to my roots
But I’m sure as hell not going back
To the way it was