i am 16.
i will be 17 in 47 days and I am still aching for my own validation
starting approximately 775 days ago
the 136.4 that stood below my feet held me by my throat
it was nothing until “you would look prettier if you lost some weight!”
it was nothing until “no one will love you if you are fat.”
so,
one app, 1600 calories, drop
30 minutes, RUN, 300 calories, drop
more, more, MORE!
who am i?
new app, 1200 calories, drop
one hour, RUN, 700 calories, drop
bones that looked like diamonds
complements that felt like the polish
it was only 1 year
but I was gone
who am i?
who could i trust with my secrets?
im stuck to recover alone
silence
delete the app
relapse
i said delete the app
relapse
1200…1600… 2000… 3000
more, more, MORE!
save yourself
who am i?
“what happened?” “you have have yourself go”
i’m trying to find myself again
however, i learned
4000 calories are fine if you can get them out
2 fingers that reached the back of the 1 throat i have
4000 turns to 2000
what am i doing?
who am i?
year 2.
go back
take me to 775 days ago when i did not cry
no cries over my lost control
no cries over what the mirror reflects
no cries over the numbers
the numbers
who am i?