brooke_ta

numbers

i am 16.

i will be 17 in 47 days and I am still aching for my own validation

starting approximately 775 days ago

the 136.4 that stood below my feet held me by my throat

it was nothing until “you would look prettier if you lost some weight!” 

it was nothing until “no one will love you if you are fat.”

so,

one app, 1600 calories, drop

30 minutes, RUN, 300 calories, drop

more, more, MORE!

who am i?

new app, 1200 calories, drop

one hour, RUN, 700 calories, drop

bones that looked like diamonds

complements that felt like the polish

it was only 1 year

but I was gone

who am i?

who could i trust with my secrets?

im stuck to recover alone

silence

delete the app

relapse

i said delete the app

relapse

1200…1600… 2000… 3000

more, more, MORE!

save yourself

who am i?

“what happened?” “you have have yourself go”

i’m trying to find myself again

however, i learned

4000 calories are fine if you can get them out

2 fingers that reached the back of the 1 throat i have

4000 turns to 2000

what am i doing?

who am i?

year 2.

go back

take me to 775 days ago when i did not cry

no cries over my lost control

no cries over what the mirror reflects

no cries over the numbers

the numbers

who am i?