that’s what i thought i had to be
a pool of lethargy barely breathing
a warning so far gone missed
there were mornings i forgot i exist
trying to dissolve in a pile of laundry
losing sight of my self
my reflection haunted and ugly
that’s what i thought i had to be
a pile of me worthlessly waiting
i’d count ticks on the clock
and play songs about rage
losing weight, fixed in place
my hair grew out strands long as snakes
and my medusa mane made me unrecognizable
but i didn’t care for a thing
thats what i thought i had to be
so when i watch, through my pictures and poems
the time i spent not knowing
and wondering why i was able to wait so long
for nothing,
not knowing the whole time in my mind i knew
that that’s what i thought i had to be
that’s all i had to do