As She sits cleaning her room
She doesn’t know what She feels
Is it joy? Gloom?
She sits on her bed and And she looks down at her leg
Scars
What are they from?
54 scars
23 of them on her arms
54 scars from the 54 times She’s hurt her own heart
Lexapro
Zoloft
Prozac
She prays to see the day she gets her mind back
The mind that was once hers to control
The one She didn’t need to fight
The one that didn’t make her weep at night
Is she gonna be like this forever?
If you asked her when she was five how many times She’d cry herself to sleep at night, She’d say “never”
That little girl who once wanted to be a doctor, a singer, a mother
Just wants to make it through the night
Alive
Not just breathing
She wants to feel alive
She doesn’t want to binge and purge
but every day she fights the urge
Her entire body trembles every time a man looks her way
“Is this okay?”
She thinks “What do I say?”
“How do I look?”
If her life were a book, she wouldn’t be the hero
Every day she antagonizes herself
She lifts everyone else up
But who’s going to hold her at night?
She’s tried to tell herself lies
“I’m beautiful. I’m worthy”
She believes them to be untrue
She’s beautifully broken
She’s never open
Everyone knows her
but do they actually know
As her breath slows
she sees a light, a glow
At that moment
She knows
It’s time to go