There’s no easy way to announce that
I am
who
I am.
From trivial things, to the cores of my soul.
I will never be accepted,
and the strings that form me bring tears to my parents eyes.
A simple stride for honesty
takes my mother mute.
My father tells me I\'ll regret my future.
And my brother enters my room
questioning why I would ever intentionally ruin my parents afternoon.
I just want to be honest, and not hide.
But either way, I cannot win.
It happens time and time again
And i’m trapped.
I cannot leave,
I cannot stay.
It’s this damned moon tide,
pulling me forward
and thrusting me back.
Am I safe, or am I gone?
I pleaded myself that I would
never
use substances as an escape.
But I’m here I am with tears filling my collar,
begging to get high,
downing each drop,
wishing the edibles would kick in.
Could I hide in these childhood sheets forever
I would.
Instead I leave empty hearted.
Believing my crutch would last forever.
Breaking my heart
over and over again.
never understanding that dreams
can only be that.
I love myself,
but I hate myself too.
How can I love myself when
Even my family doesn\'t?
I\'m feeling so defeated.
Like I can never tell my parents a thing.
Like I\'ll have to live in the shadows forever.
I can’t go to church,
get a proper job,
or surrender my autonomy.
I just want to be happy.
But I cant cut my cake
and eat it too.
Make my parents happy,
Or die lost, despairing, and stubborn.