\'Do I look fat in this?\'
Oh God here we go
Does she want the truth this time
Or a lie?
I never know
I have never been a betting man
But each answer is a gamble
I must have zoned out on the wedding day
And missed this part of the preamble
And what are wobbly bits?!
She mentions them all the time
And she never believes me when I sincerely tell her
\'Baby you look just fine\'
She tells me her woes and how low she has been
And when I offer her a helping hand
She tells me off and says to me \'Typical! You\'re such a man!\'
\'Well yeah\' I think slightly confused
But I never say it out loud
For fear of the silence that ensues
And that ever available black cloud
You see us men aren\'t layered like all women are
We are rather simple folk
We see things so very straightforward
You just ask any bloke
And let\'s be honest
The simple truth is
We all need looking after
And every woman knows this
And plays it to their advantage
But we are powerless to resist
Disarmed by the beauty they behold
And secretly we are happy with it
Well I say secret because of course they know
So everyday is a minefield of mayhem
A rollercoaster of highs and lows
A delve into the depths of love
That ever unfathomable unknown
So it strikes me that some mysteries
We just learn to leave well alone
And I can see why Poirot never married
Because women are one case you just can\'t solve.