despite eagerly planning to move for 2 months
you were in such a hurry you even left your toothbrush
you left behind years worth of memories on Polaroid photos and cardboard printed headshots of us
you left behind a watch that I remember being your first when we moved into our 3rd apartment together
you left behind photos of your father and holiday cards from your brother
even a hand written Christmas letter from your nephews
you couldn’t even wait to say goodbye…
I didn’t get a goodbye
was it too unbearable? was it too pathetic?
was it too humiliating for me?
you wanted to possibly preserve whatever dignity I had left
because you’ve been checked out of our love for so long and I’m still processing that you even wanted to go
but that probably wasn’t even a thought to you
I give you more credit than I think you deserve
I have this vision of you
being somewhat childlike and innocent
just keeping it all in and being so confused and upset that you don’t even know
you left in such a hurry you even forgot your toothbrush