I enter the classroom, and sit at the desk,
My fingers start twitching as im about to take a test,
The papers handed out,and the timer begins,
I see everyone around me as they start to begin,
When all of a sudden my heart starts to beat faster
As I look around the classroom to see so many answers,
This is when I start to feel anxious,
My stomach starts turning and tears start rolling ,
Rolling down my cheak,
And this is when my legs become violently week,
I want to raise my hand,
I want to be excused,
But what should I do if they
refuse,
So I just stand up out of my seat,
I dont care what they say,
I dont care what they think,
The only thing that matters is what does everyone else think?,
I slam the door shut as I exit the room,
And I start to feel like im in the deepest of dooms,
I walk around the school not sure where to go,
When I hear the teachers being radioed.
My breathing gets heavy then i collapse to the floor,
Crying my eyes out
As I hear the Oncall,
I dont want to ne scared,
I dont want to be anxious,
I just cant help but feel helpless,
I stand up from the floor,
Wiping the tears away
And head down the corridor,
Down the stairs,
Ad the the doors,
I enter what is called the calming room
on the first floor,
Yet it doesnt sound very calm in my head,
Children laughing, playing games,
Other students and teachers typing away,
I just sit there
Crying away
Waiting for it to stop.
So I gain my energy and look around,
to see what i can see
as i ask myself
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
If im lucky it works,
But if it doesn’t,
Im not so lucky
Back to square one as I try to breathe,
This little demon is not whats helping me,
And not a surprise
Its name is….
Anxiety,
I try to focus on the little things,
Its the little things that count,
But as I sit there
My heads spinning round and around,
Until it stops.
Finally I say as I start to go back to my lesson,
When I realise its nearly the end of the lesson,
I realise ive been down there
having a panic attack for more than 30 minutes,
It’s just anxiety they say,
Ive got to get on with it,
But im just a child who needs to know
where the support is,
I get threatened with exits,exclusions and detentions,
But if i was ‘normal’
Maybe this wouldnt happen
,
I go to my teacher and tell her all of this,
then I get advice and try my best to stick with it,
I get through the day with major ups and downs
Yet when it hits home time,
A feeling of relief hits me,
I get to go home, and be in my safe space,
Catch up on my school work and recover from the day,
I look at my time table and see History and English,
Both in one day!
I just hope tomorrow will be a good day,
I have my fav subjects awaiting for me
But I cant help but feel so worried,
I think to myself “whats the worst that can happen”
I go to sleep awaiting for tomorrow to hit,
Yet i tell myself , It will be alright,
And eventually with a sigh of relief
I finally start to breathe,
For this is anxiety,
Well anxiety for me,
Its not just a word,
but a little demon who haunts me,
I know sometimes I dont make sense,
And I can even be a bit of a nuisance
But please just be patient with me,
For when we first meet im not who youd think id be,
And Anxiety is just a little piece of me.