TV Soaps
I’m not sure how long we ‘ve been married.
It was sometime just after the flood.
And although we’ve been subject to life’s ups and downs
In hindsight the years have been good.
When you’ve been Wed for a long time.
Life often becomes a routine.
Instead of a hotel and mucky weekend.
You prefer it at home where it’s clean.
But now every night after dinner.
We cozy down on the settee.
The wife she entices, it\'s one of our vices.
Watching the soaps on TV.
I have to pretend that I like ‘em.
Hours of nonsense and woes.
I’m confused about some of the actors.
Who turn up in multiple shows
One minute they’re playing a Policeman.
Next time dressed up as a Nunn.
They’re ordering hotpots in’t local..
And everyone’s carrying a gun.
“The Farmer’s been shot in the hay barn!”
The coppers have closed off the scene.
The ring of security breached
By his Misses and Sister Maureen !
The ring of steel couldn’t contain them.
And everyone blamed for the blunder.
A newcomer playing his first acting role.
Police Sergeant “ Stevie Wonder !”
And back at the garage the drama.
Has heighted to dizzier heights.
When the big spanner monkey in overalls.
Wears dresses in’t Rovers at night.
I manage to smile through the torture.
As the wife remains glued to the screen.
Watching predictable storylines.
Unfold within every scene.
The Fireman that was in the Farm show.
Is dressed as a Milkman in’t Square.
And when he’s in Manchester actin’
In the Street he’s the villain up there.
The soaps remain equal employers.
No political or social bias.
The characters are all gender fluid.
Changing sex like the garage swaps tyres.
They all include children performers.
Most of them whiny and weird
One girl went upstairs to play cassette tapes.
And the following week had a beard.
I sit there in silence astounded.
And smile if the wife looks my way.
How can such rubbish and bilge.
Be put on TV every day ?
I suffer in silence each evening.
I can’t wait to go to mi bed.
But some sacrifices need to be made.
I’ve learned if you want to stay Wed !