Destroy me.
Write it on my body in a font so deep in cursive
that no one can read it but you. I wish someone
was here to destroy me with a smile that was meant for me,
and not the smile J offers but doesn’t write it off to me.
It doesn’t say dear insert my name at the start of the letter.
It doesn’t even start with ‘dear’ at all. It’s a linked email with
other participants able to read his wonderments of a laugh,
it’s the display of a canvas he puts with his body, and keeps
it showing like an open book people recommend to read.
He didn’t invite me specifically in this letter to take me
to his amphetamine party. I’ll take pity, sure, but even
that isn’t there on the Hallmark card he sends.
All it underscores is “be there” and he knows that I shall.
Can I be your one party, darling? Could I be your confetti,
the lighter to your candles, the crown you nestle on your head?
I would love to be that to someone. I do not wish to be the invitations,
for you would only use me to send me away to strangers
who wouldn\'t want to kiss you tenderly with a taste of your tongue
that you used to close the envelope written to me. The ones
who don\'t know how to feel you the way I wish I would know;
tracing the line of your jaw, nibbles on your small earlobes
both shaped half of a heart, my little whispers of reassurance
of the knowledgeable insecurity of your ridged nose.
no you\'re not perfect, but more than enough for me
to ever have a chance. Render me speechless, yes,
for every time I\'m at a wishing well, begging for you
to make a mistake so I can write you under with
the many people dubbed “unworthy”. Although,
I do fear that your mistakes are useless if not
make you more attractive than before, a little reminder
that you are human. I would not only want to see a mistake,
but I would love to schedule some times during the day
when you can either bump into me or do something
horrible to me incidentally because I know how you’ll react.
When I say “it’s fine, it’s fine really” I mean it. I mean it with
my soul because it was you who has done it, and therefore you
will never even be considered with the word “unworthy”
and if you shall, they are not worthy of you.