I have heard it played on piano,
I have heard it played on harp,
Played by some wonderful musicians,
And it was so wonderful.
And once more I heard it,
I heard it this morning,
That tune that I know so well,
But it was spoiled.
It was played on harpsichord,
And to my mind that tune was ruined.
The Goldberg Variations were awful,
Well to my mind they were
When played on this instrument,
The one that when Sir Thomas Beecham
Was asked what he thought of it
Said it was like two skeletons,
Two skeletons copulating,
Copulating on a corrugated metal roof.
It was such a pity to spoil this music
With such an awful instrument.