Here in the silent, shadowy darkness, it’s just my partner
and me. I can\'t relax. I’m new to this
When is it going to strike?
But then!
My temp soars and the sweat pours and the
LION roars. It is, of course
The MENOPAUSE
Sweat’s racing down me like Niagara Falls. He’s looking at me, defeated
“Water”, I say. “Fridge cold, fast”
He’s out of the bedroom
“Fuck. How long is this going to last?”
What would he know about it? He got a Stiffy in a Jiffy
On reflection, it was a mistake to let a pill give him an erection
And don’t talk to me
about H.R.T. It just doesn’t work for me
I shouldn’t be so bitchy with him
Considering the “Little Soldier” hasn’t seen action since
well, I can’t remember
but I’m sure the date’s burned into his memory
I’m surprised we’re still Friends, never mind Lovers
Thank God, he’s back with my water
But still, I’m tossing and turning, trying to find a cool spot. Until
The birds at dawn. This night is over
Again, I’m looking at our bed in disbelief
The sheet’s a ball of sweat and dried-in crease after crease.
And I feel like a wilted cabbage leaf
And so, I roll out of bed and again
The smell of coffee draws me to the kitchen, like a movie stooge who keeps falling
for the same gag
It’s de-caffe now. DE-CAFFE!!!
No caffeine for the Menopausal woman,
No good
No sleep and no wake-up juice
Why should this LION be on the verge of hysterical tears?!
And so, the Main Show begins; and there is a very special award for the
Winner of this Performance.
At the end of the day, she who walks away
with her Sanity Intact, WINS.
Standing in front of my business,
Advertising Solutions greets me in big
gold lettering on a black background. I’ve always been so bloody proud of that sign
How many times this building has had a facelift?
And so, to work. I’m wearing a smart business suit, leather briefcase at my side. No
Not the elevator
Be strong
Take the stairs
Finally, the fourth floor. I stopped breathing
two floors ago
Bathroom
I can hear the cold tap water sizzle
as I splash it on my face and
my bloodshot eyes tell of a LION who lost it long ago
and I just realized my knickers are on back to front
I’m walking with some authority now, I must. I have a vitally important meeting
What’s it about??
Going through the double glass doors, I see
Phil leaning over the water cooler. He’s a hipster, this week
With that face and those glasses, he’s more like a six-foot four baby owl
looking for his mummy
Phil grins a toothy grin at me.
“A bit thirsty, Annie?
My face meets his.
Phil’s no fool. He’s now at our team table and virtually sliding off his trendy red suede stool.
Walking past the team table I’m vaguely aware
of other people around me,
but all I can see is red. There are two coffee urns at the end of the table. Red for normal and blue for de-caffe. I’ll take the blue. Yes. Woo-hoo.
Blue. “Oh, sorry Dennis”, I say.
He’s taking a big breath in and puffing out his chest and
today’s sermon will be
I swear
to you, Dennis. You’re the only blonde-haired bullfrog I’ve ever seen
Still, now I can sit down and Dennis can enlighten me
It’s amazing! The minute his mouth opens, I can feel my eyes close
“Don’t mind me! “Just getting some coffee”.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
It’s Poppy.
Poppy. So smiley, so full of
energy
Always popping up. Cats like Popping Up on a mouse.
That’s it. I need a hit and the de-caffe tastes like shit
I’m in trouble
The real coffee’s almost gone and Poppy’s on the run
It’s a race
Knocked Phil off his little stool and Dennis’ chest is hiding and his eyes keep widening
And Poppy? All those teeth. Anyone else would think she was smiling
\"Annie darling, are you alright? Only you’re drawing blood”.
I wasn’t…well, maybe a bit. But just recently this Lion’s discovered strength about which
the wittle kitty Kat knows jack shit
My grip gets even tighter and, Poppy’s face gets even whiter
I’m warning you, my dear
Don’t deprive me, you ’ll never survive me
That’s it Poppy, back in your place
Leave the coffee to me
“Well Annie? What do you think?”
The Bull frog’s looking at me, so’s the baby owl and the Kitty Kat. I feel
a predatorial smile from deep within
I say “Dennis, I’m going to need you to go over that information again”.
I am, after all, the boss