Lost in this moment words on the wind, No one understands all this pain I am in.
My body is screaming how much more can I take, I feel like it’s a nightmare I’m in where I am never to wake.
Im shadowed by a monster who is playing with my soul, I’m a puppet on his strings of which I have no control.
The dark is never ending the pain forever more, I am barely 40 and feel I’m knocking on deaths door.
I used to be a fighter my soul a raging spirit,
always pushing forward not knowing when to quit.
It’s sad to say those times are gone with this pain I have to endure, days go by then weeks and months just wish there was a cure.
Now days have past and even years and still no end in sight, the pain I have is worse now in both knees and all through the night.
What is sleep I ask myself for now I don’t ever have some, 7 or 6 or 5 or 4 Im luckily some nights to even have 1.
The pain is now constant 24/7 for which I have to endure, the doctors and consultants they did come up with a cure.
So this was great I thought to myself, a tunnel with finally some light, finally some answers where surgeons and consultants now could start their plans and fight.
I mean in amongst themselves of course for what is wrong or right, this course of action that action plan working tirelessly through the night.
The day then came to meet my makers and discuss which foot best forward, only to be told I’m to complex and that they won’t operate as per decision of the board.
So now I’m left in limbo not knowing which way to turn, my knees and pain is getting worse each day and my life is left in ruin.
I’m fighting back as best I can it cant be left like this, no quality of life for a 42 year old will be a story not ever told.
I’m turning tables on myself and on the NHS, I know my body, I know my pain, things can’t go on like this.
I’ve started all this up again a referral has been put in, to my consultant who would help me with this, maybe even chop off my limbs.
In all seriousness though the way I am in this agonising pain day in and then day out,
I need a plan to sort my knees with clout and never any doubt ….
To be continued ….
Well as I said to be continued and continue it will now be so, a new consultant I went to see with a plan I’ve come to know.
Two new knees for me of which are now hopefully on the cards, looking to the future now where I’ll be running yards.
Now I know things won’t be easy complications few or many, but I’m invested all in now for a pound or in for a penny.
Operation number one is planned for a few months time, fingers crossed that all goes well and things will work out fine.
This will line things up perfectly for operation number two, a plastic surgeon I have to see first so let’s see what he can do.
To be continued …
Well my date come through for operation one and I had weeks & weeks to wait, the time has flown and the date is near I just hope I do not faint.
Mentally & physically I’m preparing for what’s to come, a lot of pain, hard work and heartache when all is said and done.
Am I nervous, of course I am a major op I must undergo, with a big huge needle also in my back to numb me down below.
When I awake an all is done the pain will be immense, but afterwards & on the road to recovery this will all make sense.
To be continued ….
Well here I am today’s the big day for operation number one, I hope and pray that all goes well when it’s over, finished and done.
Maybe a prayer I should say to show faith in my distress, spoken silently in my mind with courage and finesse.
Our farther who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name, nah this prayer is not for me it’s meanings not the same.
So the right prayer I could not find so I just keep telling myself this, when the op is over and I come round nothing to worry about, a piece of piss !!!
So wish me luck my fellow friends for tomorrow seems so far, I have to do this on my own ….. but I’ll leave the door ajar.
To be continued ….