Ba Humbug!
My wife thinks it’s Christmassy
She is buying strange things
Hanging them on a Nordic tree
From little bits of string
She’s buying lots of presents
For people I don’t know
And strange smelling incense
With names like “purple snow”
I don’t know what that is
And don’t really want to know
As long as it don’t smell like er whiz
The same as yellow snow
On Christmas Day she’s said
I can prepare the meal
So I guess it’s water and crisp bread
If she wants to seal that deal
She asked me what I’ve bought her
I’m keeping that one close to my chest
I might have managed to infer
That some jewellery might be best
That might not even be a lie
I might get a reprieve
If the late shop has any ii can buy
Ten o’clock on Christmas Eve
I resent the Christmas crackers too
They cost more than I earn
All we do is pull them in two
And get nothing in return
Except a stupid party hat
Thar rips when it’s on my head
And a bit of metal tat
That’s probably toxic lead
My consolations is the drink
A bottle or a jug
Christmas cheer I don’t think
So …ba humbug!