Memories from the pasts are highlighted now
they have become so clear
traumatizing times
utterly alone
scapegoated
my destiny
Bad judgement and stupid mistakes
when I should have known much better
always a struggle
and I hate that word
Hating myself
the aching, the clawing
the raw gnaw of emotions weighing down
the heat and sting of tears never far behind
No way to go back
to change anything
with Anger a familiar companion
I know I am far from perfect
Lingering here, I beat myself to the bone
knowing how I could have been better
Outwardly, things look okay
Inwardly, I will never be good enough