Jack, I could feel you,
Your tight grip on my wrists,
The pressure of your body
as I tried to resist.
I remember the way you looked at me
when I tried to say no
It was like you wanted to show you were in control.
You pushed harder
and I tried to say no again
You covered my mouth
so I gave up & let you win.
I literally feel you inside me, on me
and around,
You touched and climbed me
Like I was your fucking playground.
I have a scar of your initials on my left arm.
I have hundreds of marks on my body from all the self harm,
But that is the only one I truly regret.
It is partly hidden by my tattoo,
But I can still see and feel it,
Like I felt you.
I thought it was my fault…
Sometimes I still do.
Even the words you spoke I burnt into me,
Although those are covered up
By burns from a higher degree.
A constant reminder
That I didn’t say no,
That night is still so clear to me,
Even though it was so long ago.