malfunctioning heater
on that brisk winter day
recorded here as proof positive
regarding following reasonable rhyme.
While scrolling thru
poems crafted yesteryear,
I chanced to jog my memory where
there
occurred power outage necessitated
more than divine intervention
yielded courtesy effort
vis a vis wing and prayer
while yours truly kept burrowed
under blankets within
Highland Manor lair
squirting wd-40 into
ears, mouth, and nostrils
failed to activate, lubricate, and remediate
sluggish primary cerebral cog and gear
subjected to bitter cold apartment air.
Thee particular date being
December twenty eighth,
two thousand nineteen,
(three years ago from today), I saith
the then Jack of all trades
maintenance technician
Kevin Blank said he would notify
HVAC expert in good faith,
yet to compliment clangorous din...
I called upon the ghost of Marley\'s wraith.
Thus despite compressor issuing
cacophonous, deafening,
ear splitting noise
clattering din louder
than convention of reindeer -
doubled as all boys
(choir) followed by cavalcade
of Santa Claus, who employed,
the missus of course with equipoise,
and countless elves pressed
for service mending
broken brand new toys.
Why... yes twas during
most recent brutal bitter cold spell
methought, yours truly got sent,
where absolute zero temperature
more frigid than when hell
froze over
of course, I felt like human popsicle
management didn\'t give a lick,
no matter yours truly gave rebel yell
Billy me you, I immediately
yearned (some months back) for April
May, June... some tell
tale sign to alleviate pell mell
bone crushing polar vortex
preserved frozen awful
botox smile impossible mission to quell,
nor avoid frostbite
to deep freeze (frieze) every cell;
millenniums later archeologists
discovered embalmed human
once preserved in ice despite
climate changed dystopian future
found me thawed out body
reason to sing and kvell.
Forsooth mindlessly jabbering away
jaw frenziedly attempting to convey
how this schlemiel
procrastinated and did delay,
NOT taking page from
playbook of Dick Proenneke
without possessing an iota of survival skills
to live alone in the wilderness
such cockamimi half cocked notion
would fly in the face
of sense and sensibility
and I a creature of comfort
best be war re: not game
to warm cockles and muscles
loosely translated restrained foray
toward forbidding verboten terrain
(exalting in bosom of paramour)
think fifty shades of gray
kindling like ice cold tinder thawing
frigid celibate stasis,
an unnatural rut versus making whoopie
to generate body heat hooray,
but clothes minded chap
even entertaining bacchanalian melee
alien fantasy unrecognizable
yielded Abort, Retry, Fail?
– nay
synonymous to when yours truly
adopted Presbyterian sacred ministerial
he pledged allegiance linkedin
and jumpstarting career
parallel to the late Mister Rogers,
his neighborhood of make-believe
immune to weather related events,
thus forever okay,
nevertheless expressed gratitude
confessed, I unconsciously did
(as iterated earlier) pray
while suspended animation did stay
slowing or stopping
of biological function
physiological capabilities
unpitted and preserved - yea.
Hence today upon being
and getting woke,
(where central heater
set at a comfortable
sixty five degrees fahrenheit)
feeling like I slept forever
and a day - no joke
most certainly well rested
constitution; dreams did evoke
intensely scrutinizing
Scottish matted cognomen,
chilled wren, and whim hen folk,
who appeared out of this
dreamy Maxfield Parrish world
hybridized, mutated,
and segued into rorschach Roanoke
Island mystery
disappearance smooth
as glass skin cloak
immune against ultraviolet rays
ordinarily causing skin cancer,
their attenuated limbs
(ala El Greco) strong as oak
versatile to prod
analogous to pig in a poke,
whereby superior petsmart
doggone noggin could invoke
telepathic communication
interestingly enough issuing smoke
signals, whenever danger present
and capable to disappear
as if doing breast stroke,
thus concludes trademark
discombobulated poetic anecdote
of one garden variety generic bloke.