As a lad in grade school,
yours truly, (a diminutive, intuitive,
oversensitive, and vegetative potato head kid,
whose voice exhibited
a severe nasal twang)
felt envious at other boys,
especially those young bucks
who sported budding antlers
plus thick thatch of hair.
Even now as a grown man
of three score plus three earthly orbitz,
(come January thirteenth
add another Roman Numeral one),
I (an aging long haired
pencil necked geek)
idolize guys genetically
gifted with a full - high scoring rack
plus luscious non dreadful locks.
Mine grungy unkempt appearance
immediate trademark characteristic feature
for more\'n half my existence
on terrestrial plain,
represented antiauthority, familiarity, insularity,
minority, peculiarity, security, and vulgarity (nah),
which most likely undermined my quest
acquiring gainful employment,
encouraging heterosexual
monogamous relationships
(prior to meeting the missus), and
unearthing the Holy Grail.
Analogous to Samson
courtesy thru poetry, I exercise
futile search for Delilah;
She most likely wants nothing
from an old quacking geezer
alternate self appellation
for no particular rhyme nor reason;
Now bring unto one donning barren
“fake” trumpeting Caesar
seven salad dressings
deep in ego freezer
and lettuce deign at your plea azure.
Underneath façade of mien scruffiness
can be found amazingly graceful fella
with boyish good looks,
innocence and naiveté to boot,
especial body dysmorphic disorder
regarding chicken legs re: spindleshanks,
(which serve as laughingstock
of dis hair reed ole coot)
oft times clad with deep purple
polka dotted sweatpants
don nontrumpeting Norwegian bachelor galoot.
Asian old wise owl chimes and utters
embarrassing non repeatable hoot,
thus even bestowed with ample loot
to purchase peloton bike
would be laudatory suggestion,
nevertheless vigorous exercise point iz moot
cuz said skinny limbs foregone conclusion
impossible mission anatomical feature aye,
(nor anyone else could ever troubleshoot).
See them dang toothpick spindleshanks
aforementioned limbs accoutered for walking
permanently stunted on par with boy build
courtesy anorexia nervosa,
I experienced during prepubescence
wood comprise subject of mooch talking
especially if yours truly wore shorts,
or even daresay skivvies out in public.
Both above listed portion of poem I write
surprisingly, truthfully, and
aye preferably, and uncomfortably uninvite
today January 8th, 2023 actually tonight
to rendezvous somewhere in cyber space/time
after posting preposterous poem
electronically date/time stamped
01/8/2023 4:23:21 PM
present to these myopic eyes a scary sight
regarding regular instances I shower
as occurred earlier... quite
lamentable, these twiggy
body parts gave Lesley Hornby
Dame Lesley Lawson DBE
legs her stock in trade, but blink to fast,
and she becomes an oversight
born September 19, 1949
still going strong, flitting light
to and fro, hither and yon
an English model, actress, and singer
renown during the nineteen sixties
approximately 5′ 6″ in height
widely known by the nickname Twiggy
got serious money by the pound,
when upstart me ten years her junior
totally unbeknownst to her
if so, she would serious take flight.
Matthew Scott Harris bejesus, he tried
(think self starvation)
nearly successful being unseen,
yours truly set his permanent physique
as one wimpy, scraggly, and nerdy teen
unlike above faded former star
regaled as Twiggy on silver screen,
yet his posthumous fifteen
minutes of fame encompasses
poetic style like (like for real) never see
arose during 2020 pandemic
i.e. coronavirus COVID-19 quarantine
and commenced quirky endeavor
crafting slapdash poetaster faux philistine
nonsensical, heretical (rather hair reticle),
and atypical ridiculous rhyme
wondering if ye keen
find any redeeming quality
courtesy this human haz been.