sometimes i think my mind is my worse enemy
it’ll drag me down lanes that lead back to you
ignited at places we’ve been
or objects that i once linked to your identity.
some twisted betrayal this is,
coming from an organ within my own body.
even if it’s outside our control or dare i say, accidentally
it’s like my brain cannot comprehend
the fact that you’re gone.
my mind craves to keep your image alive
and there’s no answers i can give it
nor reassurance i can provide
so i’ll lay there
and relive the sinking feeling
that you are now dead to me.
as if i don’t already breathe the tune of that melody.
as if i wasn’t the one who gave the final say
to ease us out of our doomed misery.
sometimes,
i think i would’ve liked it better had you stayed an unsolved mystery
but there was nothing i could’ve done differently
because you reeled me in so charmingly,
i had no second to think before i was sold under the disguise of being your best kept jewel in your treasury.
i was fool to think that you cared that much about me,
i was only there to hang off your shoulder but broke into bits like cheap accessories
but you adored me when i was still of use to you,
bc you littered me with honey sweet promises of living our lives together
as people we would never get to be
and a blissfully content future we would never ever get to see.
you went so far
just to plant a seed
for it sprout so momentarily,
so why does my mind keep taking me down to you like water to its thirsty?
i bounce back and forth between the man that you are now
and to the one i knew personally
though the love that grew between us harbored anything but loving unconditionally
i hate the image of your name that’s now etched in the walls of my brain irreversibly
you’ve caused nothing but pain
and i ultimately had to take most of the undeserved blame
so why does my brain keep you around so fucking possessively?