What to do with parts of me
that seek to hide and find retreat
to hidden places deep inside of me
Sometimes its just about
taking time to figure out
what\'s behind those feelings
just beneath the surface
History of the things left stored
still somehow unexplored
when the tears arrive with pain
I would prefer to just ignore
I hate the way that others have to pay
for evil games that some will play
To weak to face thier shame
the hatefulness remains
behind insidious insecurities
and the lies they always say
Others still can see the way
these little boys attempt to play
behind that thinly veiled shrine
of toxic masculinity
Even though I\'m left with scars
I do not wish to play the part
of yet another victim they left marred
I could just call them jerks
but I still wont just ignore
what\'s hidden unexplored
deep inside of me
Still it sometimes pains my core
consciously choosing to ignore
old habits I had used before
to somehow mask the pain
If I hadn\'t learned a therapeutic way
I could certainly find an easier way
to avoid the lengthy process
of gently excavating pain
I could always just get high
or simply run away
or maybe just distract myself
with buying pretty things
But the thing I know I can\'t let go of
who I am and have become more authentically aware of
Who she is I\'m still not always sure of
I just know I like her more these days
than I ever dreamed I could have